Encore No More

   This last weekend, the bf and I went to see the Cold War Kids in concert at the Fox in Oakland.  The show was great, although I found earplugs are now necessary for these old ears, and that I enjoyed my seat in the balcony as opposed to standing in a mass to get closer to the stage.  As the end of the show grew near,  I knew we were about to participate in the lame tradition of....the encore.
   How did this whole thing get started? The band plans for the encore, the crowd assumes that the end is not the actual end, but that they will be required to stand, clap and yell, so the band will grace the audience with their presence once more. Why not just play a great show, with a full set list, and accept that when time is up the show is over.
  What other situation would one expect the audience to beg them to come back on stage, regardless of the quality of the performance?  I say we start the movement to end the ego driven madness. When the set is over, and the band says goodnight, everyone should just walk out. Nobody will wait for the secret "lights on" signal to know if that is really the end, or just the pretend end. Let us preserve the encore for what it was originally intended. For a performance that is so mind blowing that we just can't imagine it ending. How great will a performer feel when they know they have actually earned that adoration of an entire audience, rather than some contrived routine in which the crowd blindly participates.
     I was trying to reflect back on shows that I have attended to see when this trend started, but my first concert was NKOTB...so perhaps my history is skewed. But, there is a worst offender of the encore abuse, and it pains me to say it.....Sir Paul McCartney. We waited 2 hours for him to start, no openers, and he did a whopping three encores. Or at least that is what I heard...Jakob and I left after the last song. I have to admit, this was probably not the concert to exercise my anti-encore movement, but it was cold, and sf traffic sucks. Time to take a stand people...end the automatic encore!

Shoulding Ourselves

  I once had a therapist tell me that there is no should. How can that be true? I am a shouldaholic. I should be doing laundry right now, I should be eating healthier, I should be spending less money... What does that mean really? That I am going to be doing these things or am I not? If should were a color it would be gray, somewhere in between doing something and not doing something. Is "should" a way to pile on guilt without actually getting off my ass and doing the activity? I don't really want to clean, but if I at least feel guilty about not cleaning, that is better than just letting it go. Except, either way, my house is messy, only now I have spent so much energy worrying about it, that I just want to go to sleep.
 "There is no try, only do or do not." Yoda
  What if we all lived like this. No more gray area, just do it or don't. Just think of the amount of time that will be freed up if we stopped thinking of what should be done, and just do it, or forget about it and move on? My goal for the next month is to stop using the "S" word altogether. Maybe by doing this, I will actually get more done, or at least stop caring so much if I don't. 

Found

  When I started this blog, I was a dating rookie. For the first time in my life I was able to date and find out a lot about myself and what I wanted and didn't want. In a way, I feel like I have evolved into a new person. But really, I had to go looking outside myself to find out that all I ever really needed was within me all along. It isn't what the world held for me, it's what I can bring to it.
   Having gone through all of this, I was finally ready when I went on my first date with "the guy", Peter. From the start we were effortlessly on the same page. There was no drama, or long periods of silence where I had to wonder what was going on. Never, have I been with someone who cares about me so much, and is unquestioningly there for me. He is a man that I can giggle with about Brawndo, as much as I can have a debate on the ethics of patents on a genetically modified soybean. He inspires me to push myself, whether it be to play soccer or to expand my horizons with food (no small feat).
  Over the holiday, he met Jake, and it could not have gone better. The three of us went snowshoeing together, in four feet of fresh snow at Donner Lake. My toes were numb, teeth chattering, but the sight of the two of them trekking through the powder, warmed me up instantly. Not only did Jake like him, but he looked up to him. We spent the week there with his family, and it felt as if Jake and I always belonged.
 I don't know how to express how much it means to me to have found someone who feels like home to me. Loving him has been the easiest thing I have ever done in my life. The last few years have been hard, but if the path led me to him, then it was all worth it.

Thirty Something

   When I was a girl, I couldn't even imagine what it would be like to be a grown up. The show "Thirty Something" was filled with a bunch of old people.  Having just turned 34, it hit me that I may be older than the characters on that show. Holy crap. 

    I just assumed that you hit a point in life, where the realization of what it all means dawns on you, and you can relax, knowing that everything is going to be alright. But I am beginning to think that may be a misconception. People don't figure everything out as they get older, they just accept the fact that they don't need to figure it out. That life will go on, regardless of the level of enlightenment they have achieved. Some days you may be on top of the world, and others you may never want to get out of bed, and that is just part of being human....or that you have bipolar disorder. But they continue to get up each day, slap on a smile, and carry on. 

    When I look around at people in public, I always assume they have their shit together, no debt, successful in their lives, carefree. However, statistics don't back up that theory. Everybody has issues, but nobody wants to advertise that. But if we continue to only see the bright shiny sides of everyone, we will continue to feel isolated when considering our weaknesses. 

       Maybe there can be an anonymous confessional website. Where people can air their dirt, and read about how others lives really are. You may not receive absolution, but you would also not be judged. Then, slowly, people will feel more comfortable with themselves, and as a whole be much healthier. Knowing that they will be accepted for both their good and bad sides. 

    Ultimately, the one judge that matters most, is yourself. Everyone is going to have opinions about how you look, what you say, and what you do. But the second you become ok with yourself, all of those opinions become mere background noise. 

   Perhaps this is the enlightenment that comes with age...self acceptance. 

 

    

The Great Disconnect

  With massive trepidation, I picked up the phone and called U-verse. My stomach in knots, I had so many chances to hang up before the representative got on the line. As I let him know, that I will no longer be needing his services, he offered all of those things I had been longing to hear all year long. A discount...but I knew it wouldn't last. Just the internet...but really I would feel bad if I settled for so little. I stuck to my guns, and followed through with the cancellation of all tv and internet services.  Yikes.
   Will this be a life changing choice? Probably not. After all, I have a dvd player, and I can always head out to Peets for my internet fix. But maybe, just maybe, I will start to reconnect with all of the good things in the world. Like the people in my life, the nature around me, and the books on my to read list.
   Someone from my past reminded me that I think way too much. So this is my attempt to think less, and live more. I did have a pretty great first date last Saturday, so maybe this less thinking thing is going to work.
 

Fresh Starts

   This weekend I went to San Diego to see my friend Amy, and to escape the realities of going back to the grind. It was a last minute decision made possible by her generous donation of a free flight pass on Southwest. So on the plane I went.
  The trip was filled with entertainment. Saturday we went to the Padres game at Petco park, and happened to sit in the middle of sea of red, aka Phillies fans. Initially I had no interest in either team winning, but I had a bet to win, and the Padres were supposed to help...but that didn't happen. Damn. To ease my woes, we went to a free Bananrama concert. Let me tell you, it was worth every penny. At one point we were convinced that the lead singer was either going to fall off the stage, loose his pants, or accost the cringing band-mates whose dignity was hanging on by a thread. On the plus side, the people watching was pretty damn fantastic. Hanging with Amy and her man was the perfect getaway.
   Now I am trying to wrap my head around the idea that school is starting again. I think one of the reasons I love my job, is that there is a fresh start each year. A chance to do all those things I planned on, but never got around to before. Each year, I get a little better, applying my experience and all that I learned, to make me a better teacher.
   Funny, that same thing can be said for relationships. Each one is a new chance to do it right. You learn from the past, what worked, what didn't, and apply that to the new guy. But if you go through enough relationships, is there truly such a thing as a fresh start?

To be or not to be

 Bangers and mash, kidney pie, boiled vegetables...what do these have in common? Well they are all gross, and all standard foods for my potential destination next school year. I am in the process of applying for a Fulbright teacher exchange position in the U.K.. Crazy exciting, and scary.
  The thing is, I have been dating Shinola guy for almost three months, and while this is currently a record for me, I find myself wondering how this factors into my desire to ditch the U.S.. I am applying no matter what, but if the roles were reversed, how would I feel? "Hey, I like you and all, and I hope this works out...but even if it does... I'm ditching you in a year." Hmm. But, I can't, NOT do this.
  So am I wasting time developing a relationship with someone, if ultimately it is going to be doomed by distance? I know I'm 33, and I am supposed to want to get married, and buy a home with some more kids and a dog, but I don't. I wouldn't mind being married, but to someone who wants to adventure around the world with me; like and Amazing Race partner. I'm told, that when I meet the "right guy" I will want to settle down, but that would mean I would be willing to give up my dreams for someone else. I don't want to "settle down", regardless of whether I am single or not. Why is that such a crazy concept?
  Shinola could be a guy that would explore the world with me, but it is still new. Not developing a relationship for fear that something may cause it's demise, is a bit pessimistic. Shit happens, some relationships work, some don't. Once school starts again I won't have time to dwell on these moral dilemmas. I will be able to move forward in feigned ignorance, until I really have to get on the plane. Maybe I will be alone, or maybe not, but either way, I won't be settling.